Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
