Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
