I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
