New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
