I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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