Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
send nudes
from the living room?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
