drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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