well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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