After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
