I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
