youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
