Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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