My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
