if i can run in heels then i can drive
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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