I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
