I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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