Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
