Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
