Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
