her vagine was all disorganized.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
