Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need water and some morals
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
