I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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