I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
