I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
