Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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