I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
