turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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