walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
