I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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