It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
