dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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