I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
