Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
