i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
