Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
