You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
