420 ftw
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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