My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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