Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
