Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
