shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
