We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
