It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
