I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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