I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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