Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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