No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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