If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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