my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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