Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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